I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
