Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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