I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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