I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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