ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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