I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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