I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
