I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
