dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
