did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..