Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.