I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.