FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
I am invincible.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina