I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I don't deserve a penis
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...