He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
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We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
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Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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