Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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