Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
