The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
