dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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