She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
