You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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