dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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