that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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