Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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