Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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