And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Are my feet made of real feet?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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