Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
