she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
