my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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