what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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