It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Boobs are out for the taking
I can't put those talents on a resume
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
