Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
