grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize