My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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