I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
