i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
