A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
