And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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