Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
