And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
