I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
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