I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
