Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
