I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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