guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
