It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
