Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
