She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
