would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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