Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The uberlube is also flammable
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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