I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
there is glitter all over my balls
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
