i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
