So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
