so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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