Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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