ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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