I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
