She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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