I need to stop coming to work sober
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize