she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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