I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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