ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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