my sisters under your porch take her home
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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