She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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